It’s that time of year again when expectations are high and men are either wracking their brains for ideas or blissfully ignorant to the wrath that is about to befall them.
I’m guessing you are not in a relationship with Ryan Gosling. If you were, you wouldn’t be reading this article. You would be with Ryan (somewhere near a piano) in the Notebook house – that he bought and restored just for you – “drying off” after a nice boat ride in the rain.
If that sounds like an ideal Valentine’s Day, you’re probably one of the many women who find yourself disappointed year after year. It’s not ALL your fault. Hollywood and Hallmark are partly to blame for your unfulfilled fantasies. Nevertheless, the rest of the blame is on you.
Let’s explore how you sabotage your Valentine’s Day.
1. You Never Throw A Guy a Bone
Give the man a hint! Something! Anything! Tell him what you like. Tell him what you want. Don’t let him flounder. He genuinely does not know how to read your mind. It didn’t take long for my guy to figure out that a bouquet of roses doesn’t “do it” for me. I had to tell him I would rather go ocean kayaking than see Cirque du Soleil. This past Valentine’s day he surprised me with a lovely bouquet of…beef jerky. Genius! When I’m not a “good vegan”, I’m eating beef jerky. What guy could have figured out my quirky preferences without a decent clue?
2. You’re Expectations Are Unrealistic
Your guy is probably not going to whisk you away on a private jet and propose to you atop the Eiffel Tower with a replica of Kate Middleton’s/Princess Di’s ring. If he does, I’ll give you a nickel (send self-addressed postage paid envelope). Nor will he plant for you a field of daffodils or build you a Taj Mahal.
If he does, I’ll give you a dime. Again – Envelope. Self-addressed. Postage paid. The very best gifts are not necessarily extravagant. They are thoughtful.
3. You Believe It’s All About You
You’ll need to take off the tiara to digest this next part. Don’t worry. I had to take mine off to write this.
There are at least two people in your relationship. Crazy, right? Yes, a prince and a diva. You love yourself more than you love him. You’re selfish. You feel cheated if he hasn’t blown an entire paycheck, broken his back or hired a skywriter to make you feel special on YOUR special day. What’s worse, every year you expected him to top what he did a year earlier. Your poor guy probably dreads Valentine’s Day!
February 14 is a day to celebrate mutual love, respect and admiration.
Here’s the plan:
b. Confess, “It’s not all about me.” Repeat.
c. Plan something special for him for a change
4. You’ve Already Made Up Your Mind- You’re Going To Be Miserable
Since you’re all alone this year, you’ve resigned yourself to a lonely evening of wallowing on the couch with Nicholas Sparks movies, a pint of ice cream and all the fixin’s. Gasp! How did I know?! So what if you’re single? Please.
Do yourself a favor and plan to do something with friends-NOW. If you can’t find a friend, find a way to show someone else kindness.
Decide now that you will not attend the Pity Party.
I know, I know. That was harsh. The Diva-Fantasy force is strong and I’m trying to break a spell here. Believe it or not, I’m on your side.
If happiness is what you want, serve someone else. A happy Valentine’s Day all around is within your grasp.
Make it happen.
“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”
– Vanessa Moline. satire and wit specialist, wife, mom of 2.