I remember the first time I noticed that a beautiful actress had killed herself.
It was the 1960’s and Marilyn Monroe was one of the most beautiful women in the world. Yet, she was dead, by her own hand, at 36 years of age. “How is this possible?”, I thought as a young girl. This couldn’t be the action of someone beautiful and talented – adored by millions.
But sadly, I have seen similar tragedies play out many times in years gone by…
Watching the news report on the tragic suicide of Gia Allemand, I am saddened not only for the loss of her precious life, but also the apparent reason for that loss.
I know that more theories and stories will come out as the days go by, but off-the-cuff reporting tells the story of deep insecurities and a neediness to be loved. Even though I am not a Bachelor television series fan, I know from Wikipedia that she was a contestant on The Bachelor: Wings of Love and the Bachelor Pad. She had an upcoming TV series in the works, so there was plenty of work to live for. She was also in a relationship with NBA star, Ryan Anderson. At 29 years old, there was so much ahead of her.
So what causes hopelessness to the point that life is not worth living in women who, by our culture’s standards, seem to ‘have it all’ (beauty, sexuality and popularity)?
What would I share with every girl, especially girls like Gia, as I wrap my arms tightly around them holding them close to my heart?
What would I want these girls to know about the insecurities that are robbing them of peace in their life and their relationships? What would I want to impart to girls who are depressed and feel like they have nothing “real” to offer the world, other than the way they look? What would convince the young girl – who believes that to be sensual is to be secure and to be desired is to be loved – that she has real value apart from her sexuality?
What I would say to these little ones, is:
You are loved.
You are precious.
You were formed in the image of the One who said, “this is good”.
I would say you can never depend on another person to make you secure in every area. This is not what a relationship is designed to do.
I would say you doubt your worth and your place and contribution to this world, but that you can find real purpose and passion for living that doesn’t depend on people-pleasing.
I would say that your insecurity makes you lack confidence in yourself. It could look like extreme self-consciousness.
I would say that I understand losing someone’s approval and good will is painful for you, but you don’t need to try to get everyone’s love and approval.
I would tell her not to be threatened by another woman’s beauty, personality or intelligence. It won’t diminish who you are or anything about you. And that, in time, you will develop a vision of wholeness that will allow you to rejoice with other women and not compete with them.
I would say that you are more than the sum of your body parts and that woman looking back at you in the mirror has potential beyond her wildest dreams.
I would say, I am proud to call her “sister” or “daughter” or “friend”.
To all the lovelies who feel insecure, there is hope.