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Ask Dr. C: How To Be An “It” Girl…

One of the wonderful things about becoming an adult is that you get to decide “who” you are.  You make the choices everyday that define what you want people to know or understand about you.

ask drc - it girl

Graduating from the artificial atmosphere of school life, you are poised to take the world by storm, but you are faced with the very real question, ‘Who am I?’  The days of following the crowd or trying to be like someone else to fit in should be behind you.  But leaving high school or leaving college nowadays doesn’t leave you with any real sense of “self”.  Those distinct abilities and gifts that make you unique may still lay dormant and undiscovered.  It probably wasn’t cool to admit to your clique at school your secret love of classical music or that you learned to make a killer peach cobbler and you rule the karaoke stage.   But now is the time to discover who “you” were created to be.

An “it” girl is different from a “popular” one.  An “it” girl may or may not be popular.  An “it” girl may or may not have physical beauty in the Hollywood sense.  But that’s just the point – an “it” girl won’t care if she’s popular or not and certainly won’t be sitting around worrying if she’s considered beautiful by someone else’s standard.  Becoming an “it” girl happens when you learn to develop your own sense of style and begin to discover for yourself what makes you – “you”.   Not being tethered to someone else’s standard of what’s cool, beautiful or enjoyable is incredibly freeing.


So how do you discover “it”? How do you learn about your own sense of “you”? How do you develop your gifts and style?

Here are some questions that will help get you started on that journey of discovery that encompasses a lifetime…

1. What are you passionate about?

Inequality, clean drinking water for children in Bolivia, baking the perfect biscuit, starting a business, mentoring young girls, making money or helping the sick?

2. How do you learn best – and what is your plan to continue to grow?

Are you a reader… a people watcher… someone who enjoys learning by mentorship?

3. What is your vision for your home?

What type of decorating do you like?  If you still live at home – start with your own bedroom.  Is Ikea your ‘happy place’ or does Target satisfy all of your furnishing needs?

4. What is your strategy to learn how to manage your home?  

Some women sneer at the thought of learning to cook or the best way to clean their clothes or maintain a food budget. But I’m here to tell you that there’s real value in learning these skills.  If you want to pay someone to do them for you and you can afford it – then fine. But even if you decide to eat out every meal – your budget and your belt size will suffer.  Do you realize the value of learning basic survival skills for your home like cooking and management?  To be able to maintain a successful home is a feeling of accomplishment that is real.  To come home after a full day of work or “do-gooding” or school and walk into an environment that you have created with your own imagination and hard work is WONDERFUL.  Talk about feeling like a grown-up.

5. What one activity makes you feel “needed” and connected to the people around you?

6. Do you want to impact other lives with something new or do you enjoy being part of what is already happening?

7. What are you doing in your version of the future?


…These are just a few questions that I hope will spur your thoughts toward discovery.

Also, reading about other “it” girls will open your mind and heart to the endless possibilities of what can be achieved or accomplished when you tap into your own gifts, abilities and likes.  We will be sharing some stories on this blog of other “it” girls.  One of my personal favorites is of a young, French girl from another century named Joan of Arc.2123272822At just 17 years of age, she was the youngest person (ever) to lead a military army in a campaign – talk about knowing who she was and what she was capable of doing! You should Google and read this courageous young girl’s story and be inspired!  Men and women throughout the centuries have sung her praises.  All because she knew who she was  and what she was called to do.  This made her unique.  She tops my list of “it” girls!

Here’s to learning who you are meant to be!

CONTdrCrystalDr. C.