I thought my parents had a perfect marriage and idolized their relationship. When they told me that their relationship was over- everything seemed like a lie. All my life, they taught me morals, they told me marriage was sacred and they seemed to just be giving up on each other so easily after 27 years. My heart was crushed, I was angry and confused. If they hid this from me…what else did they teach me that was a lie! What else did they tell me because it was the right thing for me to hear, not because they were actually living it.
Not only did they disappoint me, my role models lost my trust and made me question my relationship. I was worried that my marriage wouldn’t last because if my parents seemingly perfect marriage didn’t work, how could anyones last? I began to question my future and this sent me feeling unsure about a lot of things. I blamed my mom as she had an affair and felt confused- how could she do this? How could my dad just let her go? I know that he tried to make it work, but honestly think things would never be the same.
I was always closer with my mom because I found her easier than my dad to talk to.(now our relationship was strained & that hurt) By no means was my dad a bad man, but I was scared to make him angry; This made it harder to be open with him. My childhood was a happy one where my parents modeled love, affection and truth. Now at the age of 23, my world was turned upside down. Not only did they walk away from their marriage, but they walked away from what they believed and all their support.
I felt walked all over through out my life and found it hard to come out of my shell. I was always shy and let people get away with a lot because confrontation was scary. I had to find my voice, I had to heal. It was hard for me to accept that my mom messed up, that my parents weren’t getting back together. I had a opportunity to repair my relationship with my mom & dad- (it took time and a lot of effort). I chose to be respectful of my parents, even though I was hurt. (I didn’t agree with their choices, but they still were my parents- their choices didn’t change that.)
It took a while to build my relationship with my mom- to trust her again and let her back into my life. I decided to write her a letter, so I could express my heart and ask for forgiveness for being so angry with her. I have forgiven my parents for their mistakes and disappointing me. I have a healthy relationship with my dad as well- now we can communicate and I find him to be a safe place. My relationship with my parents is close and restored. I want to thank a group of Lovely girls who showed me how to step back and access the situation. A lovely couple modeled to me a healthy marriage, which has helped me with mine. They helped me see the truth about my relationship with my husband.(I’m not my parents, I don’t have their marriage- I have a fulfilling & successful marriage. I don’t need to be fearful of the future.) Thank you, Lovely group mentors for being a support to me- telling me not to give up on my family & guiding me through repairing it. Thank you, Lovely girls for helping me see things clearly & keeping me accountable.