Most Popular “Lovely Miss” of all time: From the Stirrups – Awkward Moments at the Gynecologist
In honor of our upcoming Gala, (There’s still time to come- barely- Click to get your ticket!) We will be counting down our most popular stories of all time that best show you our heart here at TLP. Here’s our most popular in the “Lovely Miss” category.
Every woman hates it, but every woman has to do it…
Strip down, put on your over-sized paper napkin, and get ready. We’re talking about going to the gynecologist.
5 awkward things we’ve heard from our gynecologists during a “spread-eagle” exam:
1. “Ohhh yes… that reminds me, how is your mother?”
Huh?? What exactly just reminded you of my mother? On second thought, don’t answer that. (*Tip for picking a new gynecologist: Don’t go to your mom’s. You might discover you resemble her in more places than just your face.)
2. [Yells to the nurse] “Hey, can you please bring me the 5mm tool? Yea, the really small one.”
Well… okay then.
3. “Hm. I’ve never seen that before.”
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that’s probably not a good thing.
4. “I have some students with me today for observation and training”
So my body just officially became an exhibition on a school field trip? Fantastic.
5. “Alright… good enough. You can get dressed now.”
Wait, what? What exactly were you doing down there? And whatever you just did, make sure it’s “great” before you finish.
Here are some embarrassing GYNO moments from YOU, our Lovely subscribers:
One of my first appointments, the Dr walked in before I had their lovely robe on. He was VERY embarrassed, apologizing all over himself. Although I, too, was embarrassed, I brushed it off and said, “Oh well, you see it all anyway!” His answer–“yes, but I don’t see it all at once!”
First time ever on the table, and the doctor (as he is down between my knees) points up at the ceiling, and says, “if you feel tense, just look up there at those pictures and try to relax.” He had pictures of a beach, an ocean, and a resort all taped to the ceiling above the table. SOOOO cheesy and creepy. I could not relax!
When I was living in Tallahassee, I went to an OB-GYN at the hospital near FSU for some problems I’d been having. During my examination, 3 men walked in – the doctor & 2 interns. (He had not asked me if I was okay with interns coming in.) The doctor had his interns try to figure out the problem – all while I’m awkwardly lying there in the “exam” position.
As the GYNO went in with her tools, she commented, “Wow, your cervix is really easy to find!” What does that even mean? Does she have to go searching through a maze with other women? I didn’t know whether to say “Thank you” or “You’re welcome!”
My first time going to the GYNO was just before my wedding. They went through a list of questions one of them being, “Are you sexually active and have you been tested for HIV?” I answered, “No and No.” They did not believe that I was a virgin and so they continued to ask the question 3 more times, by another nurse and the doctor. When the doctor began the examination, she pried my legs apart and I burst into a loud sobbing. She looks at me bewildered and asks, “What is wrong?” And I reply (sobbing), “No one has ever been down there before!” To which she replied, “Oh my goodness, you really are a virgin!” to which I replied, “That’s what I said.” I cried through the rest of the appointment, changing back into my clothes, paying at the counter and to my car and the rest of the day. T-R-A-U-M-A-T-I-Z-E-D.
I went in for my yearly visit and my ob-gyn (who just found out I was going to school for marketing) was questioning me on ways to better market her business (“Is internet marketting the best?” “Have you seen my website – what do you think about it?” “What about direct mail advertising?”). As if the exam itself wasn’t awkward enough, her questions definitely weren’t helping. Then her 5(ish) year old son opens the door to ask for a drink (or snack, I don’t remember). He looks at me, looks at his mom, then runs out. Her reply? “Hmm. I guess I forgot to lock the door”.
I was having a test done that required tubes to be inserted but the nurse (who was in training) didn’t have enough slack in the tubes. When they moved me to be under the x-ray machine, the tubes were yanked back out. The doctor was extremely unhappy with the trainee and let her know it. So I had a doctor yelling, a training nurse choking back tears, and the senior nurse giving the death stare to the trainee (I could tell she was trying to say, “don’t you dare cry” with her eyes). All the while I’m thinking, “Just focus on the tubes, people, the tubes! You can work out your Grey’s Anatomy drama later.” It was uncomfortable in more ways than one.
Nothing says “there’s no mystery left” like going to the gynecologist.
But in all seriousness, I’m thankful for modern medicine and the doctors who provide these services, even though it can be embarrassing. At least we can laugh it off, knowing we all go through it together.
Here’s to doctors and the weird stuff they say!