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I should be dead, Nicole’s story

It all happened so quickly.

I blacked out for only a second, awoke to blood pouring down my head & my friend screaming. A car had t-boned us going 50 miles per hour and I smashed the windshield with my head!

teen girl survives car accident

It was my senior year of high school & a couple friends of mine were having a girly day out.
The sweetheart dance was the next day, so we went to get mani pedis. Of course we didn’t want to smudge our nails, so we didn’t put on our seat belts (looking back now, I don’t get it)- but we justified it because my friend only lived around the block. The next thing I know- was horror, shock & confusion as our carefree day turned scary. The ambulance arrived on the scene & said they needed to take me to the hospital. Looking at the windshield, the EMT said that they were surprised I didn’t go through it & remarked that the wind visor acted as a guard or I’d be gone. (My friends survived with only minor injuries).

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The doctor said I had a minor concussion and needed to consult an orthopaedic surgeon. (I was scared what they would find because of my lack of insurance, so I declined further treatment & left the hospital against medical advice). I see now that I needed it, but I thought I was indestructible. The following days were intense & I wasn’t expecting the consequences.

I was flooded with thoughts of suicide, as the bump on my head affected my psyche. I lay there in bed for days in pain, contemplating death back and forth. For many years I struggled with sadness, but not like this- I wasn’t myself- I lived in a nightmare.

I’d wake up in the morning, wondering if I’d make it.

The only thing that stopped me going through with my hideous thoughts was my sweet little nephew who looked up to me. I lived with my sister that year and loved the quality time together (my nephew was so sweet & I was his favourite & he was mine.)

That year I met a lovely girl- she was happy & refreshing to be around. Even though I never voiced my emotions to her, she knew. I think it was written all over me. I kept my emotions to myself for so long that they turned me into someone I never wanted to be,  (but couldn’t escape without guidance.)

Once I opened up and was transparent to my Lovely mentor- she showed me that I am truly valuable. I wasn’t alone anymore, instead I had a support group that gave me confidence & truth. She walked on a journey with me of inner healing, gave me advice and helped me love myself again. I got invaluable medical attention that year & got a lot healthier. I realised that life was worth living and found a purpose to live for. I went through a traumatic experience, but it shaped me into the person I am today- stronger & driven. I know now, that life is short & I need to live it.

I should be dead, but I am alive and Lovely.