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“Not Every Mom Gets To Be a Mother” An Open Letter if You’re Considering Adoption

Dear Brave Girl,

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We don’t know each other but I understand you are expecting a baby and are considering placing your sweet child for adoption. I am also a birth mother and I wanted to share a little about my story.

I hope it will help you as you near the time to make your final decision. First, please understand that placing a baby for adoption is a selfless and honorable choice. If you do indeed place your child, you will be a true hero – and someone to be admired. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. On the flip side, this will not be an easy choice. It is painful and it is lonely, especially the days immediately after. I remember feeling tremendous grief and I also remember having vivid dreams about my baby for a while.

People never seemed to know what to say to me. There was plenty of sympathy to go around but very little true understanding. Most women don’t choose adoption and that was one of the hardest things for me…feeling like nobody really understood. I really did feel alone, at first. If you do place your baby for adoption, one of the most important things you can do is find a good support group, counselor, or even just one person who can understand your feelings and help you navigate through them.  I myself had two very important women walk with me during those tough times. Neither had placed a baby for adoption, but one was a fabulous counselor who specialized in working with birth mothers and the other was simply a lady from a church with a huge heart who stepped in as a mother figure to comfort and love me. To this day, I love her more than just about anyone else on this planet and I credit her and her love with helping me get to where I am today.

The good news I have for you is that the pain DOES GO AWAY. I went through about 18 months of counseling and today – 14 years later – I am proud of the choice I made, I share the story freely with others, and I am PAIN FREE! I ended up marrying the father of my baby and today we have a 7 year-old son who brings us great joy.

The son we placed for adoption lives with a family we carefully chose. You too can choose the family you’d like to raise your baby. It says so much about you as a person if you will go through the painful task of searching and selecting the perfect couple. The son we placed has thrived and has the exact life we hoped – as young 22 year olds – that he would. We hear from the family annually and receive a picture at Christmas. We know he is a competitive runner and loves the water as well. We don’t know if he’ll ever want to know us personally, but really, it’s enough for me knowing he is happy and thriving.

You are brave and you are strong. And I promise you, you will be hugely blessed for giving this selfless gift that you are granting  your child, and the family who will raise him/her.

You CAN do this. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I believe in you. If I did it, so can you.

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 Yours,  Jenna