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You said WHAT to my husband?!

A few weekends ago my husband and I visited St. Augustine with 2 other couples and, until our last activity, it was a really fun day.  After splitting up for a few minutes, we rejoined our husbands at “the Magic Shop.”

They quickly approached us saying, “there is some woman hitting on us…” which was followed by, “…but we’re ignoring her.”

I smiled.

I don’t blame the lady; I think my husband is hot, too.  I figure she’s probably embarrassed, after putting herself out there, to find out that he is married. Why fault her for the mistake?

We enter a small room to see the “magic presentation.”  We went in first, as our husbands held the curtain open for everyone else to walk in.  I turn around to find this same woman in my husband’s face, again, saying something. I’ll spare the details but the general gist was some version of “do me.”  I can see David pointing to me saying, “That’s my wife.  Over there… I AM married.”  I smile at her as we switch places in the room.

For the entire show this woman made it her goal to try to get as much attention as possible.  She talked over the magician, made sexual innuendos,  laughed at the wrong times, made comments about us (the wives), and kept looking over to see if any of it was working to get our husbands’ attention.

At this point, my temperature is rising.  It takes a lot to make me want to fight – I’m a middle child and like to keep the peace.  I’d rather brush something off than make a big deal and have a confrontation, but this woman was testing my “middle-childness.”  Not only for her blatant inappropriate behavior towards obviously married men, but I was also so embarrassed for the poor guy trying to make some tips performing his magic show.

The whole time I was thinking about clever remarks I could say to embarrass this woman and put her in her place.  Or how I could perfectly slap her face leaving exact finger marks across it.  What stopped me was the fact that she had her two daughters with her, around ages 7-12.  (Yes – that’s right.  She was shamelessly throwing herself at every man in the room and making everything about sex in front of her pre-adolescent girls.)  As much as I wanted to tell her off, I didn’t want to scare or embarrass her children.

Here are a few things to remember that will help you keep your cool in UN-cool situations:

Step 1: It’s not a competition. 

I already got the guy. I’m not competing with her for him.  She may not realize that, but I do.  I don’t need to act threatened – because I’m not threatened. (That doesn’t mean I’m gonna leave her alone in a room with him, but I don’t need to revert back to a 16-year-old girl who’s having a screaming match on the football field over a boy.)

Step 2: Drugs/alcohol change the playing field.

I’m 99% certain she was on something.  Not only was she acting like it, but I watched her pull out a baggy of “something” from her purse before her friend freaked out and whispered, “Put that away, are you crazy??!”

If someone is under the influence of drugs/alcohol – that changes things.  First, because they don’t feel pain so, hypothetically, if you were to get into a fight – you’d be hurt before they realize they are.  Secondly, because they aren’t reasoning like a normal adult.  Stabbing someone with a knife repeatedly seems like logical retaliation for getting cut in line when you are tripping on acid.  Don’t get into a fight with someone who is not in their right mind.

(On a separate note – it does make you feel like Chuck Norris when fighting a drunk person because they move so slow.  It makes you look awesome.  But still – I don’t advise it.)

Step 3: Consider your audience.

I’m not sure exactly what I would have done if her daughters weren’t there watching the show with wide-eyed enthusiasm.  But I do know that I didn’t want their memory of St. Augustine to be of some woman sitting on their mother’s head screaming, “got something to say now?!”

There are necessary times for putting out-of-line people in their place – but determining when it’s appropriate can be tough.  Be aware of who is around you and whether it will cause more harm than good.

(A good question to ask yourself: “Is someone being harassed who is defenseless?”  Those are the times to stand up and fight.  My husband and I weren’t defenseless, nor did we feel the need to make a statement.  She was embarrassing herself, not someone else.)


Here’s to being classy!  Cheers.